be what is

what is

On my beach walk today I was fretting about the future and wondering why there are parts of my life where I feel struggle.  Why are things not flowing with ease?  I had my iPod on shuffle and the song, *”Tezeta,” by Mulatu Astatqé, began playing in my ears.  I brought myself into the present.  I was listening to the music, looking out at the water.  I thought, “Now this is the soundtrack I want for my life.”  The song has an ease about it.  The beautiful melody of the saxophone in harmony with the piano and sparkles of happiness spread throughout.  It’s a song that makes you want to dance.  But it’s an easy flowing dance with your arms gently swinging, a bounce in your step with the occasional spin and a continual smile.  I stopped for a moment and reminded myself that having expectations, wanting to be somewhere else or to be doing something different, is ME creating that struggle within myself. I stopped for a moment and reminded myself that if I have expectations or if I am wanting to be somewhere else or doing something different, I am creating that struggle within myself.  Everything IS flowing with ease!  Just not the way I expected.  If I take away the expectations, everything IS flowing harmoniously!   How am I going to choose to move through where I am and what is going on in my life?  Am I going to wallow and feel sad and frustrated?  Or am I going to give gratitude for what I have and what is occurring in my life, smile, be present, and enjoy the ride?  I can choose to think and feel that life is flowing with ease and see the magic and beauty all around.  I can Trust that all is well.  Because ALL IS WELL!  BREATHE.

I laugh at myself remembering that this life is a journey and a continual learning process.  Reminding myself that just because I wrote about expectations, does not mean that I will NEVER have them again!  Life is a constant refinement.  What I CAN do is remember that I have a choice on how I want to move through my experiences and be in the moment.

For some reason writing about this brings up memories of my grandpa Baba John.  So, I rummaged through my papers and found old letters he wrote to me.  We called my mom’s parents Baba Jean and Baba John.  My sister said it one day when she was young and it stuck.  Both of my grandparents taught me so much in my life.  My Baba John often wrote letters to me while I was away at college.  Not to date myself, but when I was in college, long distance communication was done via the post office or a stationary phone in your home!  I loved receiving his words of wisdom.  Wisdom such as, “Never let a man strike you.  You should get two cast iron fry pans.  One about 2 lbs and one about 10 lbs.  The very first time your lover or husband strikes you in anger, hit him with the #1 fry pan.  The next time he does it, is his last!  Hit him with #2.  I guarantee the jury will let you go scott free!”  From my experience, he was full of good advice, sometimes shit and always love!  Getting a letter in the mail from him always brightened my day.  If I sit and think about people who have given me advice in my life, my Baba John comes up at the top of the list!  I came across a letter in which he said this: “To say that one must do this or that before “enjoying life” is a bit ridiculous.  You must enjoy each day as it comes.  To enjoy doesn’t mean a constant search for pleasure.  Pleasure is something one might experience on a roller coaster ride or a kiss goodnight.  Enjoyment is something more…It is attitude.  Absorption.  Soak up all that you can of each day.  The smell of the cedar boughs–the beautiful sunsets; sunrises–the snows–the rains– the sleet– even the pains.  Above all, try your hardest to give away your beautiful smile!”  I cried when I read this the other day.  I don’t think I was aware at the time that he was teaching me to live in the moment.  Today, I feel so blessed to have grown up with such a loving accepting family.  Yes, there was more than one fermented, doused, dysfunctional alcoholic in the mix!  Life was not always easy, but there were many good times, laughs and SO MUCH LOVE!

Life and learning is a constant refinement. A peeling away of layers.  The getting out and walking on the beach part is easy.  It’s the “stuff” that gets dredged up to be felt that can be hard.  Trust me when I say that IT IS WORTH IT!  Now is the time.  Do not wait for “this” to happen first, or Bobby to graduate, or the first of next month.  Take the step into the unknown.  Take the step toward loving and accepting ALL OF YOU!  Now is the time!  You may feel alone but there are many people at this very moment on this journey.  You are not alone.  “Soak up all that you can of each day!”  Be in the moment and smile.

Love and Light

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